How Human Design helped me stop living in "shoulds" and start living in flow

The 5 areas of my life where applying my HD authority and strategy changed everything

I used to jump at opportunities that weren’t even that exciting to me– in true FOMO fashion. A new collaboration, an event, a trip, a business direction. If it showed up, I said yes. Not because I was necessarily thrilled, but because I thought I should. Because… you never know. Because… what if I miss something?

That was before I understood my Human Design.

Now, I wait. I let things marinate. I listen for the full body yes and when it’s not there, I’ve learned to trust that too. It sounds simple, but if you’ve spent years overriding your gut and living by everyone else’s playbook, you start living a life that’s not truly yours.

I’m a sacral Generator, and once I started actually applying my authority and strategy instead of just reading about it and nodding my head, everything started to make more sense. I cleared a lot of mental clutter and my energy felt less scattered. And as I’m starting to use this with more and more of my coaching clients, friends, and honestly anyone who will listen to me talk about it, I keep reflecting on how things are falling into place in my own life in the most interesting ways.

Here are the five areas where it’s made the biggest difference.

1. Decision Making and Opportunities

The biggest gift Human Design gave me was learning to stop second-guessing myself and starting to trust that my gut actually knows better than my mind.

As a Generator with sacral authority, my decision-making compass is my gut feeling. And for a sacral authority there’s no in between; it’s either a full body yes, or it’s a no. When I first learned this, I pushed back hard. What about all the maybes? What about things that could become a yes? What about being open-minded?

But once I started actually applying it, I understood exactly why I was designed this way.

Before HD, I was living my life in shoulds. I should go to that event. I should take that opportunity. I should say yes because it might lead somewhere. Now, I ask myself one question: Is this a full body yes, or is it a maybe? And if it’s a maybe, it’s a no.

By saying no to the maybes, I’m saying yes to myself every single time. And that has freed up more mental space, energy, and clarity than ever. I no longer waste time overthinking.

2. Business Collaborations

As a Generator who naturally has a lot of energy and capacity, I used to take on far more than I should have. Not because I was forced to, but because I could. I’d say yes to collaborations, projects, and opportunities that only felt meh, thinking they’d lead me somewhere better or generate more income.

What usually happened instead? I’d get frustrated, resentful, and drained. That frustration, by the way, is a Generator’s not-self theme aka the sign that you’re out of alignment.

Now I apply my sacral authority to business decisions the same way I do everything else. Which direction do I actually want to take this? Which collaboration genuinely lights me up when I think about it? What do I want to write about, and what am I only writing because I think I should?

Just because I can do something doesn’t mean I should. And that distinction has made my business feel more like mine than it ever has.

3. Events, Networking and Visibility

We’ve all heard the advice: Show up everywhere. Be in it to win it. Get in front of as many people as you can. You never know who you’ll meet, so just go even when you really don’t want to. Following this advice left me exhausted.

Now I wait to respond. I don’t immediately RSVP. I let an event sit with me for a day or two and check in with my gut. Is there genuine excitement there, or am I just convincing myself I should go? In a lot of cases, I’m glad I waited because something more aligned usually shows up instead (and I need to rest to save my precious sacral energy for the really good stuff!).

What I’ve noticed is that when I do something I was genuinely excited about, I connect with people who become soulmate clients, long-term collaborators, or people who open doors I didn’t even know existed. And when I forced myself to show up? Not so much.

I’ll admit I do consider showing up for the “maybes”, but I don’t respond right away.

The old way was blocking the things that were actually meant for me because I wasn’t making space for them.

4. Travel and Retreats

I don’t impulsively book trips just for the sake of having something to look forward to, or because somewhere is trending, or because the photos look incredible.

Sacral Generators need options (like choosing from a menu) to give our gut something to respond to. I’ll give myself a few destinations or retreat options and let them sit for a few weeks. Sometimes the pull toward one becomes undeniable. Other times, something completely unexpected comes across my path and it’s a full body yes before I’ve even looked at the details.

Both are valid. What no longer works for me is booking something from my logical brain and talking myself into it.

That showed up in a really meaningful way recently. I attended a writing retreat in California (my first time back in ten years– the last time I’d made a big life transition). I said yes from pure gut instinct, without overanalyzing the logistics or talking myself out of the investment. And it turned out to be exactly what I needed. I came home with new friends, a weekly writing group of brilliant and inspiring women, and a renewed sense of creative direction.

That’s what a gut-led yes looks like in real life.

5. Work Flow and Creative Rhythm

Here’s something that felt off for years before I realized why. I am not a sit-at-your-desk-from-9-to-5 person. Never have been. I used to think that meant something was wrong with me. Maybe I was inconsistent, not ambitious, not disciplined enough.

Turns out, I’m just not wired that way.

As a Generator, my energy comes in bursts. I do my best work in direct sunlight, in community, and the vibes have to be vibing. Some mornings I’m not motivated to sit at my desk at all and now, instead of forcing it, I move my body, do my meditation and morning pages, and capitalize on my natural afternoon energy surge to do my best work. I’ll head to Barnes & Noble or a coffee shop when I need a change of scenery, and that’s when things flow so much more seamlessly, without forcing anything (like this post).

The same goes for content. I can write three incredible pieces back to back when the energy is there. Other times, an idea arrives and by the time I’m ready to share it, it just doesn’t resonate anymore and so I don’t. In a world that tells us to post daily and stay on schedule, that used to feel like a failure, but now I know better.

Also, I’m not meant to share all my genius in an online space anyway. I’m a Narrow Valleys environment (more on that in another post!) so being physically present with people in communal spaces is where I thrive. People receive my contagious lit-up-ness much better in person, in conversation, and it’s how I receive the information to unlock the a-ha realizations.

So I’ve taken the pressure off myself to post for posting’s sake. I grow my audience slowly and genuinely, from a place of trust rather than FOMO and the right people find me when I’m operating that way.

It’s a little ironic that the time of day when I’m most alive and productive is the same time I used to finish work as a teacher. I spent 18 years in a career that started when my energy was flat, confined me to four walls I couldn’t escape, and ended right when I was finally hitting my stride. Now I know why it felt stifling and suffocating. Who knew it had everything to do with my HD?

The Meta Moment

I actually sat on writing this post for months.

I had the ideas. I knew what I wanted to say. But every time I tried to write it on a timeline or from a sense of obligation, nothing came. It wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready.

Until today. The excitement to get dressed, change my environment, and go somewhere with good vibes… that’s when the whole piece came flooding out of me.

And the fact that I’m even writing on Substack at all stemmed from listening to my authority. It started as a creative outlet while I was recovering from back surgery. Out of my normal routine and unable to do much else, writing became my lifeline. It was the one thing that brought me back to myself emotionally during a time when I genuinely wondered if I’d ever feel like myself again. I leaned into it because it was the only full body yes I had.

And leaning into my own creativity led me to host my own creativity retreat just 9 months later.

I laugh now, because there are definitely days where I still feel “inconsistent” according to the pace of the rest of the world. And now I know I’m just meant to always act immediately, but rather when it’s the right timing for me and for my authority.

That’s Human Design in action. Not as a woo-woo system and not as a fun personality quiz, but as a lived practice that will guide you back to yourself every single time you let it.

To some people, Human Design is fascinating to learn about. And it is fascinating. But unless you’re using it to actually inform your decisions and design your life, you might be missing the best part.

It’s one thing to understand your type and an entirely different thing to live it and that's when life stops feeling like resistance and starts feeling like flow.

I work with coaching clients — founders and women in big life transitions — on exactly this: how to take your Human Design off the page and apply it to your real life and business so that everything starts to feel more aligned. If this resonated, I’d love to hear from you.

xo,
Ashley