The plot twist that made me question everything

when unexpected opportunities or tests try to derail your path

Last week’s eclipse brought a few plot twists (chaos?) Just when I was getting comfortable, the universe was like “nope, we’re going to test you.” Thanks, appreciate it.

Now, let me define comfortable. 2 years ago I left my 18 year teaching career because I felt very misaligned in the field. I love teaching, but the landscape of education has changed so much and I felt this significant pull to start building something of my own. With some savings in the bank, a huge pull to go all in on my side biz, and a lot of excitement, I took the leap. I decided not to interview at other schools and see what would happen if I expanded on the workshops and retreats I was doing on the side.

And when I did, I started to feel aligned and alive again for the first time in a very long time.

coulda shoulda woulda

Truth be told, I had the urge to do this back in 2020, shortly after I had my daughter. While on maternity leave, I dreamed up ideas about leading international yoga and wine retreats, because I also started learning about wine during those pandemic days at home. But my partner at the time shot me down and told me everyone was doing retreats and I won’t make any kind of real money doing that.

My confidence wasn’t what it was today so I thought, yea, he’s right, and sadly put my idea on the shelf for “one day”. I used to outsource my intuition and seek permission for the things I wanted to do. I was also very co-dependent and figured it was safer to stay in my lane as a teacher and not take any real risks. I look back with so much compassion for that woman who didn’t fully believe in herself and also a bit of sadness for letting someone else’s limited worldview limit her. But I’m also pretty confident now that everything unfolds in divine timing.

it gets better

So fast forward 3 years… I was on my own soul-searching retreat in Costa Rica where I got invited to teach yoga. It was a dream come true that came after a lot of big life transitions in between (more on that another time). While at the retreat, I was deeply moved by the transformation that was taking place inside of me. It was there that I set the intention to lead similar experiences sooner than later. Within a year I had co-hosted 2 retreats. In the next year, 2 more. And these experiences weren’t only part of my business, they were a calling. Something I was made to do.

plot twist?

So you could imagine my shock when I’m in the midst of planning 2 more retreats for next year and another job opportunity falls on my lap. It was definitely unexpected because I wasn’t even looking. A teaching opportunity that would provide more financial stability while I continue building my brand and invest in my business.

So naturally the questions started flooding in. How bad could it be? Is this a test (a dangling carrot that would not only take me out of alignment, but potentially jeopardize everything I’ve built)? What does it mean about me if I take it? Do I have the bandwidth for both? (the answer is no but I tried to convince myself otherwise) Could this be an answered prayer in a form I didn’t expect? Could this actually be really supportive for me and my business?

The doubt and indecision were crippling. I spent an entire day completely dysregulated around it, which should have been my first hint.

Because over the years, I’ve developed a very keen intuition. My body (mainly my gut) will let me know if it’s not right. So I was particularly thrown off when I didn’t get a clear yes or no. But then again as a Generator in Human Design my mantra is literally, if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no. So there was hint #2. However, the $$ was appealing and temporarily clouded my intuition and judgment.

Just like when I left teaching, there was no clear logic behind it. How could you give up a pension? Benefits? Summers off? A stable salary? All the things that kept me stuck in what they call in education “the golden handcuffs”. It’s hard to walk away from that stability. Especially in these times. But alas, I was being divinely guided. I was sure of it.

And what I’m seeing, experiencing myself, and guiding women through now, is those big pivots we didn’t see coming. The moment where we’ve “made it”, but we’re unhappy, unfulfilled, and quite frankly— burnt out.

We’re parenting, working, trying to get enough protein and fiber (lol), keeping friendships in tact, and then we realize we’re so disconnected from what we actually want. Thus leading us to go inward, set out on a spiritual journey, or perhaps more common— abandoning ourselves completely for the life we were told would make us happy. The former is why I started hosting retreats and wellness experiences, the latter was what I almost fell for last week.

And the truth is when we’re in the thick of building something new, there’s no clear path leading us there. It’s deciding that it’s worth it, we’re worth it and showing up for it every day. Let’s not even get into the fact that it is all consuming (in the best way possible).

don’t believe all of your thoughts

So 2 years in (and some days feel like I’m just getting started), I can choose to go all in or I could let my limiting beliefs/scarcity mindset run the show (as they have in the past), and take this “test” knowing quite well that it could stall my progress and excitement for what’s coming in 2027.

And I can’t help but wonder if I did decide to take it, could that signal to the universe that I wasn’t all in to begin with, therefore derailing my path completely? But if I stay on the path that has led me to where I am now, what lies on the other side is better than what I ever could have imagined. This is such a nuanced decision because we all have different responsibilities, but I really wanted to share it for anyone who’s going through a similar crossroads or decision that could significantly impact what’s next. You are not a failure if you pivot, you are not lost, you are still figuring it out.

If you’re in that in-between and you’ve been building something with pure heart and belief in your ability to make an impact, but that little voice of doubt starts creeping in and makes you question it all, I’m glad you found your way here. I’d love to be your cheerleader, help you quiet that doubt, and remind you that it’s no coincidence that you chose this path. It chose you, too. Can you trust that it’s leading you somewhere beyond your wildest dreams?

I hope so. Let me know about it. Let’s cheer each other on in the comments

xo, Ashley